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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26272987">Nothing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/andlucyy/pseuds/andlucyy'>andlucyy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Outsiders - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:49:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,710</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26272987</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/andlucyy/pseuds/andlucyy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He already knew that he’d gone softer for Johnny, despite swearing that he wouldn’t, and he hated it. He was supposed to be tough and hard, not a fucking pansy-ass, and definitely not a pansy-ass for Johnny Cade, who he still had hope for. Johnny could be something other than a greaser and a hood, he had that potential; hanging out with Dallas wasn’t exactly going to nurture it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Johnny Cade/Dallas Winston</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>76</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Nothing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi so this might be a tad bit similar to my other jally fic but it's essentially what happened after that :) also this is kinda unedited, it's late and I'm tired and I'm also sorry if this sucks &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Johnny shivering, lying in the cold lot. A mustang diving by. Violence. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dallas’s eyes snapped open. He couldn’t get the image out of his head, couldn’t bear thinking about Johnny getting hurt because his parents wouldn’t give him a home that he could sleep in. He wanted to get him, do something about it, but he ran through the options in his mind and they were the same every time -- the Curtis’s, who could barely afford support themselves, let alone Johnny and sometimes Steve (besides, they had a really uncomfortable couch); Two’s, who’s mother would gladly open their home up to the gang, but locked the door night and had a kid sister who everyone agreed needed to stay out of everything; his room at Buck, that could barely fit his bed, meaning they’d have to share the single that was already too small for him. It was the sharing of his bed with Johnny that made his room completely off-limits. God, the thought of it made his heart race, in what most would consider a good way, but to Dallas, it was a sign of weakness and a reminder of a part of him that he couldn’t truly come to terms with, no matter what. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Besides, he’d brought Johnny to Buck’s once, and it ended with a kiss and Dallas leaving Johnny in an empty bed in the morning. God, the feelings Dally felt because of that were indescribable and too conflicting to understand. Dally thought about it a lot, even though he tried not to because he wished he’d never done it. That way, Johnny wouldn’t know how he felt about him, and he wouldn’t be cursing himself and Johnny out in his mind for it. They’d never talked about it after that, even though Dallas wanted to and he was damn sure Johnny did too, because what the fuck was it supposed to mean for them, and did he like it, and Johnny said he loved him, did he still love him? did he mean it? Dally just didn’t understand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He already knew that he’d gone softer for Johnny, despite swearing that he wouldn’t, and he hated it. He was supposed to be tough and hard, not a fucking pansy-ass, and definitely not a pansy-ass for Johnny Cade, who he still had hope for. Johnny could be something other than a greaser and a hood, he had that potential; hanging out with Dallas wasn’t exactly going to nurture it. But alas, Dally only had so much self-control. He let himself be with Johnny as long as Johnny wanted to be with him, or if they were with the gang. Theoretically, it was an easy enough solution, just don’t go looking for him, that was all he had to do. Practically, it wasn’t as easy as he’d thought it would be, especially on the nights where his thoughts got overwhelming, and he needed something, someone to hold onto. But he got through them, evidently. He got through them alone, just like how he’d done everything else in life. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Johnny shivering, lying in the cold lot. A mustang diving by. Violence. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dally turned over in his bed, the scratchy blanket annoyingly getting twisted. He groaned tiredly. He wouldn’t be able to tell anyone the last time he truly got a good night’s sleep. Most of the time, nightmares, wounds and hangovers were standing in the way, and other times, it was just because he had such a goddamn hard time actually falling asleep. His thoughts were enough to keep him awake for days, and there was always something new or old to think about -- Johnny, his folks, Tim and the other Shepards, New York… Sometimes he wished that he could just turn his mind off and be carefree for just a little while. He tried thinking of a time where he was carefree (and wasn’t high out of his mind), and not a single time in his whole life came to mind. There was always </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be worrying about -- getting clobbered by his old man, staying alive in New York, making sure no one finds out about him, the list went on. Right then, the thing he was worried about was Johnny. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Johnny shivering, lying in the cold lot. A mustang diving by. Violence. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck,” Dally hissed through gritted teeth. He wrestled himself out of the blanket and got out of his bed. He was going to Johnny, and he was going to bring him back to Buck’s. He threw his jacket over his shoulders and swiped Buck’s keys before setting off. He drove to the lot fast. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He closed the car door quietly when he got there, so he wouldn’t scare Johnny, who he saw curled up in a corner near a tree. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Johnny,” he called. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Johnny sat up, his body silhouetted in the darkness. “Dal?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey. C’mon, get up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why? Where are we goin’?” Johnny asked, already standing up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m takin’ you back to Buck’s, c’mon, let’s go.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hold on,” Johnny said, but Dally ignored him and started back towards the car. “Dallas?” he tried again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just c’mon, Johnny, it’s fuckin’ cold out here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dallas immediately turned around. Johnny was glaring at him, even in the darkness. Hell, he could feel it shoot straight through his body and out the other end of him. There was silence, and it was incredibly tense. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just to fill it, Dallas asked, “can you please just get in the car?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Johnny walked over, but he didn’t meet Dally’s gaze, he didn’t even look at him. He was… angry for some reason. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they were sitting in the car, Dally noticed Johnny’s heaving breaths. It was like his lungs had grown and he was desperately trying to fill them out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Dally finally asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Johnny sighed for a moment, then returned to being angry. “No,” he answered shortly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dally looked at him. “Do you… wanna tell me why?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighed again, then paused before he spoke. “Do you remember the last time we did this? The last time you dragged me down to Buck’s from the lot?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dally pursed his lips. Of course, he did, was what he wanted to say, but he thought it might come off too arrogant. “Yeah,” he said simply. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, then you remember what you did.” Johnny’s tone was flatter, more emotionless. It was like he was suppressing all the anger and trying to come off as impartial. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dally chewed on his gum. “Look, Johnny. I don’t know how you feel about that night--” he started, but was cut off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>“You don’t know how I feel,” Johnny repeated softly, then scoffed, looking right into Dally’s eyes. “You wanna know how I feel? I feel like, like a </span><em><span>throwaway</span></em><span>. I feel </span><em><span>used</span></em><span>, Dal. You </span><em><span>left me </span></em><span>in your</span> <span>bed after </span><em><span>you </span></em><span>dragged me there and kissed me. I told you that I loved you, Dal, and that don’t just come from nothin’.”</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dally bit his lip. “Look, Johnny, I’m sorry, I…” he looked down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>God, why had he left? Was there a single good, coherent reason for why he’d left Johnny that morning? He’d just disregarded the previous night like it hadn’t even happened, but why? What happened that night, that was all he had wanted for as long as he could remember. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dally sighed. “I don’t know why I left that morning, but I do know why I did what I did that night.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because… because I love you,” Dally said, almost defeatedly. He was giving into </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> side of himself, so it almost was like losing a battle. He was bringing down a wall, just like Johnny had for him. It was only fair, and Johnny deserved it. How could they love each other without being vulnerable and open and truly </span>
  <em>
    <span>there</span>
  </em>
  <span> for each other? It was hard for Dally, but it was hard for Johnny too, and he’d done that for Dally. He’d given himself to Dally, and now Dally needed to return it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Johnny didn’t speak for a while. “Well, it’s good to finally hear you say it,” he said with a small smirk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, shut up.” Dally nudged his shoulder, also smiling. “Let’s get back, I’m tired as hell.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay,” Johnny yawned and put his hand on the centre console. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dally’s gaze flickered towards it and he placed his larger, colder hand on top of it as he drove back to Buck’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Dal?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are we?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dally glanced at him, slightly shocked at his question. It was a good question, too. They loved each other, but they couldn’t exactly be boyfriends. “I dunno, Johnny. What do you think we are?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Johnny thought for a while. “I guess… we’re nothing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, we’re not boyfriends for obvious reasons, but we’re not friends either, so I guess we’re nothing,” he shrugged. “I mean, to everyone else, we’re friends, but we don’t gotta put no label on it if you don’t wanna.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dally smiled, slightly relieved. “I’m glad you feel that way,” he said. He wanted to say more, but couldn’t quite express how he felt in words. It was hard to put the thing between him and Johnny into words in general. There was just so much to it, and so many layers that it would be impossible for Dally to explain to all, in full, every time he talked about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally, they pulled into Buck’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m beat,” Dally groaned as he closed the car door and walked into the house. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Johnny said tiredly. Dally could hear the sleep in his voice. It was cute, made him seem younger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After shuffling through what felt like an endless hallway, Johnny and Dally fell into the tiny bed, asleep almost as soon as they hit it. Dally pulled Johnny into his arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“G’night, Johnnycake,” he murmured. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Night,” Johnny whispered, smiling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dally reached down and pressed a kiss onto his lips, then rest his forehead against Johnny’s. “I love you,” he mumbled. He wanted to get used to saying it. He wanted to remind Johnny that someone in the world </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>want him and he would never make him feel like trash again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you too,” Johnny breathed before they both fell asleep. </span>
</p>
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